Superfluous Hair and Its Removal

Mexicanmobile '06!

2006-06-01T20:05:00.000-05:00

Well, it's the moment we've all been waiting for: will Gabe get the very nice, sensual 2000 chrystler sebring, or the busted up, pathetic exuse for an automobile the 1994 Chevy Astro with TV, bed, cooler, tape deck and even FM/AM stereo.

The moment of truth came tonight, June 1st 2006 over a fish and rice dinner at precisely 8:06pm. Gabe will be driving, the very sensual, practically orgasmic 1994 CHEVY ASTRO!!!!

Now for the explination and justification of this horrific tale.

When i was but a lad, my father came to the realization that his new found family of four could no longer be accommodated in his beloved brown buick any longer. So back in the glory days before the windstar and sienna, there was the GMC TRANS SPORT or a statiton wagon. My father was, or is (this issue is debatable), a man of keen intelect and he knew that he would be ridiculed if he, a 250 lb. mustachioed cuban man was caught driving a station wagon so he formulated a solution to all of this: Pimp out a CHEVY ASTRO used mostly for moving lumber and supplies by plumbers, electricians and general contractors with a TV cooler and all the trimmins'. The product of this experiment was this monstosity that i now find myself driving. When i was tiny and slightly more naive, i believed this van to be the van to end all vans, the coolest car in the world (i mean let's face it, this van has fuckin' blinds on the windows, that's friggin' awesome you must admit). So every time we got in the van, i'd tell my dad "dad when you die, can i have the van?" and now it looks as though that dream has come true.

There are some inheirant benefits to driving the Man-Van, however. First of all, i in all my 17 years of life have never ever never seen a van that even looks like my van, save pictures on the internet. Everywhere i go, people will know that Gabe is there, my personal trademark. Secondly, my van, taking into account it's size, density weight ratio and 4th dimensional geometry can fit a virtually unlimited number of people inside. I have derived an equation to describe the number of people able to fit inside based on atmospheric conditions, supplies already present in the vehicle and willingness of others to have their faces in places where faces should normally not go. The limit of this equation is somewhere in the neighborhood of 1e29 people. And lastly the back of my van turns into a bed, i mean come on, that's just so cool on so many different levels. So in conclusion, the benefits of driving this mammoth machine seem to cancel out with the drawbacks.

But i suppose it's better than those people who have no car, or even worse, cars that LEAK, SQUEAK and or trail wires underneath that shouldn't be trailed.

The Ultimate randInt(-1e99,1e99)

2006-03-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt that deep incertainty?
That kind of incertainty that makes you feel the way you did when you got your reportcard in elementery school?
A fear so deep and so real that it doesn't seem so.
A panic that carries no reason, no logic, no sense.
A frustration so maddening you feel like slapping someone?
An anticipiation so intense, a relief so great you feel like embracing someone until infinity.

What if there was a way to get rid of all these things and make everything happy and wonderful, make everything in the world fun and fancy free? Well let me ask you this: Why would you want to? It's these things that are the very essence of life, the very fabric of our Universe, our reality. What good would life be without fear, panic, how interesting could life be without anger, without something to cry about, something to regret for the rest of your life.

Have you ever noticed that people who pretend that everything in their lives is perfect and put and air of happiness, superiority or holiness around them are quite often the most miserable of us all? Those that seek refuge in institutions without investing time, heart, soul seek refuge in something that isn't there.

Look, the point of this whole tirade is, life isn't black and white, life isn't even gray, it's a rainbow of fuckin' colors that you can't ever even hope to see the rest of you days upon this earth. The good wouldn't be as interesting without the bad and the horror, and the friendships we have couldn't possibly be as amazing as they are wihtout the hatred we share for others and life is too wonderful to be considered just a slew of randomly generated events that happen for no reason without regard to human kind. Life is so wonderful, so unpredictable that it is impossible to feel the way i do when i recieve the opportunity to observe life, during hapiness and turmoil, just the fact that we are able to experience those things brings me an ecstacy so incredible that no words exist to express the way i feel when i see life in action.

A Rertrospective Look

2006-02-08T14:57:00.000-05:00

I am now officially 16.62 years of age and find myself lauging at people younger than me and then the thought hits me, was I THAT much of a dumbass?

Case in point, my girlfriend and myself, rather than watching that greatest of sporting events, the superbowl, decided to just go to Robbie's for a movie, that didn't really work out so well. We were supposed to watch "Waiting". We did not watch waiting, we just rented Dirty Love instead, but i digress. Upon arriving at robbie's house, there was one of his surferboy friends with the blonde hair and shorts, in the middle of februrary.

Now, apparantly, robbie had managed to find himself a "girlfriend", initially Danielle and I thought he was making it up, what girl could bring herself to date robbie rivera was beyond us, and his father apparantly. After we were conviced that he was telling the truth we looked at eachother strangely as if to say, fourteen, what a ridiculous thing to have a girlfriend at fourteen. So we in effect went to robbie's house on Superbowl Sunday just to meet this female that called herself robbie's girlfriend.

Before we met her, however, we tried to get some information about her from surferboy at robbie's house and here begins our retrospective look into the psyche of a fourteen year old. Danielle and myself ask surferboy just to describe robbie's new mistress. The first words out of this idiot's mouth:

"ummmm.... SHE'S GOT REALLY BIG BOOBS!!!"

I was just like, wtf you're an idiot. I thought robbie would have at least gotten mildly miffed hearing that some other guy's looking at his girl's boobs, but no! HE LAUGHS, WTF! I'd never say that about my friend's girl, I wouldn't even say something like that about my girlfriend, this girl had nothing on Danielle by the way, looked like she got hit in the face with a mallot in comparison so idk what this kid was talking about, but he's fourteen and maybe his idea of beauty isn't as refind as it has yet to become, so i can forgive it. But the next part is unforgivable, like Avada Kedavra unforgivable.

All three of them, Danielle and I were sort of ostrasized because we were the only people there with the cognative ability to follow the movie, started talking about some other girl that we'd never met. Apparantly this girl is surferboy's girlfriend. The conversation got to a point where they started to make fun of her, but here's the kicker. SURFERBOY STARTED IT! The conversation when like this

me: dude, isn't that you're girlfriend?
surferboy: yea, but she's such an idiot she's so white

Such a dumbass, what kid make fun of their girl? So here the question was raised between Danielle and myself: "Is everyone such a dumbass at 14, or was everyone born after 1990 born with a diminished capacity for logical thought?"

The answer remains to be solved yet, but one thing is clear, that kid's going to major in dumbassery

productiveness feels good

2005-12-19T19:06:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me might say that i am at times, lazy. However this is not the case, i am simply selectively active and as of late, i've been on somewhat of a "productive streak" if you will.

This all started last week on tuesday chemistry lab. Usually, i'll do the lab and wait till next day to get all the facts and figures from my various lab partners and what not. But this Tuesday, something came over me, i said to myself "Gabe, why don't you just copy down the data now and then you won't have to worry tomorrow". And so i did just that and that night, i went home and did the whole thing. Next morning comes and HELL YESSSSS, i was able to ride the bus and get through lunch without asking once to copy the lab, as a matter of fact, i was asked quite a few times for someone else to copy mine, and it felt phenomenal.

Now i was hooked on productiveness, wednesday, i did the physics homework in my home and thursday i did chemistry homework at my home, friday did physics work at home and today, i write this after completing another set of physics homework. But homework aside, i decided to put ever so little effort into my other subjects by paying mild attention in class and i must say, my grades have skyrocketted.

So here i am, and what is the only thing that my fantastical mind can think of is how this whole thing relates to Cross Country. See, during this season, i brought my time down from 21:39 to 19:33 after i realized that it really was all mental and once i put in the tiniest smigeon of effort, i would be better.

The point of this tirade is that, cross country f*cks you up deep deep down in that part of the mind that talks to you when you're all alone in bed.

The Snowball Escapades

2005-12-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

holy crap, i almost died today, i kid you not, my life was almost actually ended today, while running track ironically enough. How you may ask, well this story is so fantastical, you can't make this up.

As you may know if you live in New Jersey, it snowed all last week and it was beautiful, no school on friday, but this has very little to do with my story, only the snow matters at this point. Dave Gaynor, fellow cross country afficionado, was running in front of me and the idea occurs to me, i think i shall throw snow at this child. SCOOP....BAM, ouch, that one hurt even me.

Dave: OW, SCREW YOU GABE, I'LL GET YOU
me: no you won't, ha ha ha-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I honestly did not think that he was going to do anything to actually retaliate, but i was just a little wrong. The workout continues much without incident, and then we started our cool down, my imminent doom only minutes away. Now, for some reason, he was running towards me, i don't know, but Dave Gaynor just pulls a piece of ice out of his pants and then i decide very quickly, "I do not want to get hit by ice, i shall dodge this ginourmous piece of ice".

I dodge, i see such a look on Dave's face like Adam Sandler in the Water Boy rigth before he tackles someone and i was perplexed, and then i understand. I heard a screech and a horn five and one quarter feet behind me and i realized i had just dodged Dave Gaynor right into the path of a moving vehicle, what the F****? Man, i was actually afeared for my life, it was by the mear grace of God that i did not die earlier today.

O well, just another chapter in the Fabulous Misadventures of Gabe Villegas.

A Glance Into the Mind of a Track Runner

2005-12-08T18:38:00.000-05:00

You know, something came to my attention recently, something that i feel must be discussed because it questions all that we have learned about the human mind and phyce. Why do people who run cross country feel the inability to quit, even when they are not running cross country.

A rescent poll of fellow winter track runners, WINTER TRACK may i reiterate (very cold), revealed that only the ones who had not run cross country would be willing to quit the team, all those that had run cross country said that they were afraid to quit the team. Now, let us look at this situation a bit more closely. 87% of the people (boys only so far polled) say that they hate the sport of running with a passion, myself included, and yet feel the irrational, inexplicable inablity to stop running. Day after day, we board the shuttle over to the track. Why? Because for some strange reasion, our track happens to reside at the middle school, why would the highschool track field be at the high school, that would make too much sense.

We arrive at the track, we are given a 45 minute speech by head coach Campbell, and we begin our workout. For those of you not familiar with track and field, there are three divisions: Sprints, Distance, Lifting, the hardest being Distance, funnily enough, i run distance. Why haven't I been slapped yet? This question has puzzled cross country runners since the beginning of time. After every workout everyone in Distance division, this "Cross Country Cult" if you will, every single person begins their daily tirade about how distance sucks, should have stayed home. However, none of us seems to posses the god damn abiltiy to stop freaking running? AYY DIOS MIO, WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! I could go on forever, i just ponder, what went wrong with the people that run, this is most definately not normal. But something else is true:

through this expieriene, i have learned that human beings can learn to turn off feelings and emotions on command, because after a while, you just get anesthesized to the pain, but it's still there.

The point of this rant: Don't do track. It's too late for some of us, but you still may be able to save yourself

The First Day of Track

2005-11-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

First day of winter track, ironically, it was 70 degrees out, go figure. Coach Campbell, aka coach overbite gave his traditional, "no hazing, be here everyday or i'll castrate you" speech, but this went really very uneventful, as did the practice.

The exciting part of my story is bus ride home, my first one. Usually i walk, but they finished the fense and i didn't feel like jumping it after running 4 miles with no break, so the bus it was. Apparantly, Old Bridge High School shares the bus with Carl Sandburg Middle School, the school in which my sister is currently in attendance. Now, the odds of meeting my sister on said bus are somewhere between being shot in my backyard by a squirell and having your heart removed without your knowledge in the middle of 42nd street, however, it happened.

me:What are you doing here?
sarah: What are you doing here?
me: going home
sarah: so am i
me: apparantly

Now, i realize that this is not as entertaining as you're hoping it to be, but this is not all of the story. I ask my sister for some gum, we're a good 6 seats apart mind you, so she asks this other jackass of an eighth grader to pass it back to me, that little kid took my gum, he took my freaking gum, my one little slice of heaven until i got home and drank a diet coke, he stole my heaven that little stupid idiotic unbelievably pathetic specimen of a human being stole my freaking gum.

me: That was my gum you dumb!

nothing...
"Oh my eh-god", i was so pissed, that was my sister's last piece of gum and that freaking idiot took it, he knew it was for me, DAMN, WHAT THE HELL! I died inside, i can't belive he stole my gum.

me: YO! THAT WAS MY !@# GUM!!
stupid dumb freaking eighth grader: So
me: GIVE IT!

stupid dumb freaking eighth grader: I'm already chewing it !@#$@
me: So (in a sarcastic voice)
stupid dumb freaking eighth grader: I'm not giving you my gum
me: MY GUM
stupid dumb freaking eighth grader: You're not getting it!
me: GIVE ME THE GUM

I was not going to chew the gum of course it was a point of freaking pride, i went over there and i squeezed the gum out of his mouth and threw it out the window. That'll show that stupid idiotic stupid dumb ignorant freaking pathetic example of a human being to steal my gum ever again

F****ing eigth graders

Now I know how grandpa feels

2005-09-27T18:51:00.000-05:00

This year, as well as last, i made the tremendous mistake of running on the Cross Country team for Old Bridge High School. Our team's, and by "team" I mean coach, favorite course is Holmdel Park, one of the top ten most difficult cross country courses in the nation, woot woot.

Yesterday, I came home from school carrying books like a packmule readying itself to go on a trip across the Andes. Abhi and Vikesh, my cross country peeps, only had one bag to carry, which i hardly thought was very fair. I was about to puch them into the creek behind my house, but i decided against it, pending many lawsuits. However, after i get home and eat my customary bowl of waffle crisp, i notice a disturbance above my right buttock. So i take tylenol, because tylenol is a gift from heaven which can cure anything, just like windex except its FDA approved.

After my tylenol binge, jessica and myself agree to meet at my house at seven to finish a project that she volunteerd us for. So after talking to jessica, i decided to lay on the floor, surely the floor can cure my aches. I fell asleep watching Jimmy Neutron.

WAM!!!

Two hours later, i felt like Sylvester Stalone in Rocky, a pillow materializes out of thin air and smacks me in the face and i hear a pair of giggles. "my sister and her friend" i thought to myself, but it was not, it was Jessica, Jessica had come upstairs and smacked me in the face with a pillow to wake me up, i almost threw her into the creek too, but it was dark outside so there was a good chance i'd miss anyway. As i got up to wak, i found that my right leg would no longer support any weight. I decided to make an attempt at walking, no good, so i crawled my way into my room to put some proper pants on. I have been on one foot or all fours since 7 o'clock last night. But i learned somthing from all this, Cross Country is the method that Satan has put on this earth to get those who are coming ready to the torture that awaits and that means that running cross country means that you accept the fact that you are going to hell, and this cannot stand. I shall be writing a letter of complaint to Satan this week, stating that if he does not withdraw Cross Country from this earth, I shall visit him in the samll hours of the morning and shove a bat up his nightdress.

ATMs for dummies

2005-09-25T17:34:00.000-05:00

nine o'clock last night, jessica calls and we decide to do something, we don't know what exactly yet. After some confusion, we decide to go see flightplan. We decide that we need more ppl to go see flightplan so I invite Danielle and jessica invites her brother. 9:15pm, jessica apparates at my house. As we're on our way to the movies, we pass the movies.

me: Where are you going?
jessica: I need money from the atm, OFF TO SOVERIGN BANK!!
me: What is this nonsense? I want to see a movie
jessica: it'll be quick, two seconds **pulls into soverign bank**
jessica: Ok, what is my PIN number? **reaches for piece of paper and types it in**
ATM: Incorrect PIN number, please enter PIN number.
jessica: What, where is my money?! **reenters PIN number**
ATM: **Prints receipt**
jessica: Finally, money(7 seconds pass)...Where's my money?

From there, she commenses to read the recipt: Too many incorrect passcodes

So we decide screw the cash, we'll charge the movies on the card. We get to Strathmore movies and jessica buys her ticket.

Jessica: one ticket for flight plan
anthony(cashier): &7.00
Jessica: **hands over the card**
anthony: sorry ma'am, your cards been declined.

So push come to shove, Jessica owes me &7.00.

The first days of Junior year

2005-09-11T16:45:00.000-05:00

Thursday and Friday were my first two days as a Junior at Old Bridge High School. The high school used to be two campuses, but this year they united them into one, so everything is really crazy. My schedule was screwed up i noticed, i got precalc when i was supposed to get AP statistical analysis, so off to guidance i went.

me: my schedule is wrong, please fix it
secretary: sorry, we don't have any computers, so it's going to take a while.
me: how can you have no computers, you've had all summer to get one
secretary: *scowls* Well you're just going to have to wait like everyone else.

So here i am in precals surrounded by sophomores, looking like a dumbass waiting for my schdule to be changed. So, after that, comes AP government and politics and my principal comes on the P.A. system.

Principal: We are aware that some of the loud speakers in the school are not working, if you cannot here this announcement, please contact the main office.
AP gov class: *silence*
AP gov prof.: You all realize that this is the man in charge of you school. *laughter*

So after everyone in the AP classes being shocked at the unheard of amount of work given on the first day, came the end of the day. Now all of these smarties along with myself in my AP chem class are waiting for the day to end and the man in charge of my school and starts talking about the busses like it's a friggin' NAVY SEALS operation.

Principal: Teachers, please be aware, do not release any students until you have been given clearance from the adminstration, the busses are not in position, repeat the busses are not in position.
AP Chem prof.: *class, himelf included, laughing* Roger that, moving to position alpha bravo, over.

So judging from these first two days of school, this entire year is going to be one humongous fiasco. But, that just gives me one more reason to make fun of my principal, and i kid you not, Dr. Hickey.

And so passes a galant vessel

2005-09-02T16:33:00.000-05:00

Here it is, the end of summer less than a week away but at least I don't regret it becuase this was the best friggin' summer of my life.

Got to go to Orlando with some friends and no parents, it was for school, but that was just a minor detail that needed to be overlooked, and it was. Went on every ride in Disney World and just had a great time hanging out without every minute of every day needing to be planned.

And then my church and i went on mission fuge in Philadelphia where I made, or remade, some of the most awesome friends I've ever had. Rob, cool kid with fettishes for fire and hurting himself, but awesome skateboarder and Puerto Rican to boot. And the Beckett bros., William and Matt, awesome people, Matt is a little high strung, but he's an awesome kid and William isn't afraid to be himself, admirable.

But most of my summer was spent with the Beckett bros. sister, Jessica, a girl i've known since i was like 9 and just started hanging out with her this summer. We spent a lot of time at Taco Bell, playing risk and making fun of people with funny names that work at Burger King. We also began to write a story, which is turning out quite good i must say, but is just another ill concieved attempt in avoiding any real responsibility.

After m-fuge i got the nerve to ask out Jessica's best friend since forever, danielle, and that's actually worked real good (or real well for those english buffs out there). Really enjoying that, so hope that keeps working out.

So here's to 2005, the best friggin' year of my life, off into my junior year at the second ghetto-ist school in the area (#2 to Matawan) and I'll miss summer 2005 like hell

The complexities of Ketchup

2005-09-01T21:15:00.000-05:00

Reasaurant ketchup technology moves so slow.

On the way home from work today, my mother calls me and my sister and asks where we wanted to go for dinner and after about an hour of debate we decided on the Park Place Diner. As we are sitting down waiting to be served, my sister and I begin to have a conversation about something, I can't really quite remeber. And then the waiter comes over and I was silly enough to turn my head for a few moments because the next thing I knew, the waiter and my mother were having a conversatin about Katrina in Louisiana and the waiter was saying how he had a house down there and anyway, it was just very awkward because he had just come to take the drink order.

After my mom apologizing about his house, he finally got the drink order and so much time had passed, that my sister and I were ready for the real order already.

me: I'm ready
sis: Yea, me too
mom: Oh, sorry guys, I guess I'm ready too **give our orders
waiter: (to my mom) Okayyyyyyy, you and the boy get salad bar and you all get soup.

My mom asks for the chicken and i get the onion, my sister skimps on the soup and as soon as the waiter leaves my mom gets up for salad bar, but i hate salad. So here we are, me and my sister talking about some nonsense and i take a look at the ketchup and notice how watery it is.

me: you ever wonder why the restaurant ketchup is still in a glass bottle?
sis: no
me: And man, it's so watery
sis: whatever

So I figue I'll shake it up and get it ready for my fries. SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE.... POP. The cap of the ketchup bottle pops off and the ketchup gets in our sodas on the floor on some lady's dress, just terrible.

Luckily enough the lady didn't seem to mind much, or notice, strangely eough i recieved no retribution from anyone about the rogue ketchup. Very strange, but if the ketchup had been in a plastic bottle, the cap wouldn't have popped off and caused me this dilema.

I don't see why the restaurant can't just buy regular ketchup like the rest of us.

Rita's or bust

2005-08-31T20:36:00.000-05:00

Rita's Italian Ices, what's the matter with these people?

Jessica and myself in order to avoid having to be in the nursery at our church for an excessive amount of time decided we'd go on a fast food run and our route was outlined as such: Taco Bell, Burger King and Ritas Italian Ices.

After a little confusion at Taco Bell and a hullaballoo at Burger King our trip seemed over and i was sad, but then jessica remebered.

Jessica: Ahhh, we forgot Rita's
me: very well then, TO RITA'S!!!
Us: arrive at ritas
Jessica: Ok, Danielle (still back at the nursery) likes root beer with vanilla custard, so you stand in that line and i'll stay here and we'll see who gets there first
me: Um... What's vanilla custard?
Jessica: **walks over to me; Gabe you're hopeless.

So after a ruckus made by the soccer mom in front of us about her ice cream not being the right consistancy or some nonsense it was our turn.

Jessica to cashier: Ok, I'll have a rootbeer with vanilla custard and ummm... a brownie gelati.
me: (I'm paying for all this of course) What? She's going to eat two?
Jessica: No, the brownie is for me
me: Brownie's are supposed to be warm and fudgy
Jessica: psh, noo
me: Whatever

I figure since everyone else is getting one I might as well so i get a lemon ice, after the girl looked at as funny we finally got our order straight and marched off. It was a good 85 degrees that day so jessica gets a brilliant idea.

me: I dont see what the point of this is, they're just going to melt
Jessica: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!!!

She turns on the air conditioner full blast, and that is one hell of an air conditioner. It was so cold in the car that it fogged up in the car. It didn't help, the ices melted anyway.
So we arrive at church and begin our march to the church with all our food and make our way into the nursery and start passing out the food to Danielle and Kait.

Kait: Thank god
Jessica and me: yes, lets eat (everyone starts eating, except Danielle)
Danielle: Where's my Diet Coke?
Jessica and me together: HMPH? (with bits of Gordita and Chicken Fry flying out of our mouths)
Danielle: Yea, all i wanted was a Diet Coke, i told you guys before you left
Me: WHAT? the whole reason we had to endure Jessica's car/meat locker was because we thought you wanted Rita's, man we could've just gotten you a soda at Burger King with smurfette
Danielle: (reaches over for the coke with my chicken fries meal) Psh, well, i got a soda now

So that night, I found myself one soda short and me and Jessica learned a lesson, from now on, we buy food for no man and never again will we go to Rita's Italian Ices.

Movies are for losers

2005-08-17T22:23:00.000-05:00

Acting really is harder than it looks you know.
Recently, I was asked to act in a play written by a good friend of mine, but H-O-L-Y C-R-A-P, acting is quite possibly the most boring expierence I've had the misfortune to partake of, what's worse is that i see more acting in my immidiate future.
I mean, you see the professional actors on TV and your'e like, "Come on, even i could act better than Eddie Murphy!" but you can't, you think you can, but you just can't. First off, filming is never done in chronological order as shown in the final product, so one gets very confused. Also, they very rarely shoot more than one line at a time, and even more rarely, in the order that it is shown in the script. I was asked to repeat several lines in a row, and every line I recited was on a different page.
Needless to say, i was confused. I was supposed to be playing the villain, and those of you who see me on a semi-regular basis know that i am no villain. I'm just a simple man that enjoys a good taco at Taco Bell every now and again, but i was the vilain regardless. The whole time, i had to keep being told to stop smiling or laughing and to talk as if i were schemeing something, i don't even know what scheme means.
Anyway, in order to go and shoot this play, i had to wake up at 9:30 am, yes that's right, 9:30 am and didn't get home until 11 o'clock. So the entire day, i was groggy and by 8 o'clock, i was full blown sleep deprived.

But there was no upside to the entire day, as there usually is in these predicaments. There was no Taco Bell, there were no interesting stories that occured, there was only me and my lack of sleep.

O well, it's amazing what a little sleep deprivation can do to adjust your attitude

Cant we all just get along?

2005-08-14T18:47:00.000-05:00

What if the world was run like a game of Risk?

I had the misfortune today to run play a game of risk with a few friends. I suffered a terrible defeat at the hands of Adolph Hitler, just like what didn't happen in WWII, but this is beside the point. Jessica, William and Pat were playing a game of Risk, but having never played with Jessica, we were all bamboozled into believing that this was her first ever game of Risk. Half way through the game, Jessica and myself formed a make-shift alliance, agreeing for me to take over Europe and Asia while she took over N. America and S. America. Anyway, that was a mistake, once she had the Americas, she didn't need me anymore so in one swift graceful swoop took over most of my positions in Europe, Africa and Asia. While Pat and William were obliterated, Will faster than Pat, I was left to suffer a slow and painful conquest of all my territories. During the last few minutes of the game, Jessica, making her trademark bunny face, announces in a thunderous roar

"HA! YOU GUYS THOUGHT THIS WAS THE FIRST GAME OF RISK I EVER PLAYED, BUT I PLAY RISK ALL THE TIME. HAHAHAHA!"

But it didn't really matter all that much that I lost to Jessica in the end because our journey for world conquest ended up at Taco Bell, which is all I really wanted before we started to take over the world, which was really a map glued onto some card board.

But quite frankly, I doubt that Jessica will ever be trusted in another game of Risk ever again

I'm dreamin' of a White Summer

2005-08-13T16:07:00.000-05:00

Old men and bicylces do not mix.
I had the unfortunate expierience today of taking my bike on a recently completed bike trail by my house. The path was very shady and provided an excellent refuge from the 97 deg. weather. On my way down the trail, I was accosted by a man who could have passed for Santa Claus's twin, but the fact of the matter is that this man was quite obese, and riding a bicycle. Trying my very best to not laugh at the ridiculous man on a bicycle, I managed a salutation.

me: Hello
Santa: (All a-huffin' and a-puffin')UUUUGGGHHHHH
me: (stifling laughter) O yea?
Santa: RAAAACE, UUUUUGGGGHHH

Me, thinking that an old santa man on a bike couldn't outbike my youth or my Trek racing bike, agreed to the ridiculous race. me, "YOU'RE ON!!".

That Santa man took off with the speed, grace and majesty unlike any creature of this earth. As I approach the end of the trail, the santa is standing with one foot on the ground and the other on his pedal with a very self-indulgent smirk on his face as if to say, "You silly SOB, how dare you challenge THE CLAUSE. HAHAHAHAHA YOU SUCK!!!".

Needless to say, I was shocked, and I doubt that I will be recieving many gifts this Christmas.