Mexicanmobile '06!

Well, it's the moment we've all been waiting for: will Gabe get the very nice, sensual 2000 chrystler sebring, or the busted up, pathetic exuse for an automobile the 1994 Chevy Astro with TV, bed, cooler, tape deck and even FM/AM stereo.

The moment of truth came tonight, June 1st 2006 over a fish and rice dinner at precisely 8:06pm. Gabe will be driving, the very sensual, practically orgasmic 1994 CHEVY ASTRO!!!!

Now for the explination and justification of this horrific tale.

When i was but a lad, my father came to the realization that his new found family of four could no longer be accommodated in his beloved brown buick any longer. So back in the glory days before the windstar and sienna, there was the GMC TRANS SPORT or a statiton wagon. My father was, or is (this issue is debatable), a man of keen intelect and he knew that he would be ridiculed if he, a 250 lb. mustachioed cuban man was caught driving a station wagon so he formulated a solution to all of this: Pimp out a CHEVY ASTRO used mostly for moving lumber and supplies by plumbers, electricians and general contractors with a TV cooler and all the trimmins'. The product of this experiment was this monstosity that i now find myself driving. When i was tiny and slightly more naive, i believed this van to be the van to end all vans, the coolest car in the world (i mean let's face it, this van has fuckin' blinds on the windows, that's friggin' awesome you must admit). So every time we got in the van, i'd tell my dad "dad when you die, can i have the van?" and now it looks as though that dream has come true.

There are some inheirant benefits to driving the Man-Van, however. First of all, i in all my 17 years of life have never ever never seen a van that even looks like my van, save pictures on the internet. Everywhere i go, people will know that Gabe is there, my personal trademark. Secondly, my van, taking into account it's size, density weight ratio and 4th dimensional geometry can fit a virtually unlimited number of people inside. I have derived an equation to describe the number of people able to fit inside based on atmospheric conditions, supplies already present in the vehicle and willingness of others to have their faces in places where faces should normally not go. The limit of this equation is somewhere in the neighborhood of 1e29 people. And lastly the back of my van turns into a bed, i mean come on, that's just so cool on so many different levels. So in conclusion, the benefits of driving this mammoth machine seem to cancel out with the drawbacks.

But i suppose it's better than those people who have no car, or even worse, cars that LEAK, SQUEAK and or trail wires underneath that shouldn't be trailed.