Rita's or bust

Rita's Italian Ices, what's the matter with these people?

Jessica and myself in order to avoid having to be in the nursery at our church for an excessive amount of time decided we'd go on a fast food run and our route was outlined as such: Taco Bell, Burger King and Ritas Italian Ices.

After a little confusion at Taco Bell and a hullaballoo at Burger King our trip seemed over and i was sad, but then jessica remebered.

Jessica: Ahhh, we forgot Rita's
me: very well then, TO RITA'S!!!
Us: arrive at ritas
Jessica: Ok, Danielle (still back at the nursery) likes root beer with vanilla custard, so you stand in that line and i'll stay here and we'll see who gets there first
me: Um... What's vanilla custard?
Jessica: **walks over to me; Gabe you're hopeless.

So after a ruckus made by the soccer mom in front of us about her ice cream not being the right consistancy or some nonsense it was our turn.

Jessica to cashier: Ok, I'll have a rootbeer with vanilla custard and ummm... a brownie gelati.
me: (I'm paying for all this of course) What? She's going to eat two?
Jessica: No, the brownie is for me
me: Brownie's are supposed to be warm and fudgy
Jessica: psh, noo
me: Whatever

I figure since everyone else is getting one I might as well so i get a lemon ice, after the girl looked at as funny we finally got our order straight and marched off. It was a good 85 degrees that day so jessica gets a brilliant idea.

me: I dont see what the point of this is, they're just going to melt
Jessica: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!!!

She turns on the air conditioner full blast, and that is one hell of an air conditioner. It was so cold in the car that it fogged up in the car. It didn't help, the ices melted anyway.
So we arrive at church and begin our march to the church with all our food and make our way into the nursery and start passing out the food to Danielle and Kait.

Kait: Thank god
Jessica and me: yes, lets eat (everyone starts eating, except Danielle)
Danielle: Where's my Diet Coke?
Jessica and me together: HMPH? (with bits of Gordita and Chicken Fry flying out of our mouths)
Danielle: Yea, all i wanted was a Diet Coke, i told you guys before you left
Me: WHAT? the whole reason we had to endure Jessica's car/meat locker was because we thought you wanted Rita's, man we could've just gotten you a soda at Burger King with smurfette
Danielle: (reaches over for the coke with my chicken fries meal) Psh, well, i got a soda now

So that night, I found myself one soda short and me and Jessica learned a lesson, from now on, we buy food for no man and never again will we go to Rita's Italian Ices.

Movies are for losers

Acting really is harder than it looks you know.
Recently, I was asked to act in a play written by a good friend of mine, but H-O-L-Y C-R-A-P, acting is quite possibly the most boring expierence I've had the misfortune to partake of, what's worse is that i see more acting in my immidiate future.
I mean, you see the professional actors on TV and your'e like, "Come on, even i could act better than Eddie Murphy!" but you can't, you think you can, but you just can't. First off, filming is never done in chronological order as shown in the final product, so one gets very confused. Also, they very rarely shoot more than one line at a time, and even more rarely, in the order that it is shown in the script. I was asked to repeat several lines in a row, and every line I recited was on a different page.
Needless to say, i was confused. I was supposed to be playing the villain, and those of you who see me on a semi-regular basis know that i am no villain. I'm just a simple man that enjoys a good taco at Taco Bell every now and again, but i was the vilain regardless. The whole time, i had to keep being told to stop smiling or laughing and to talk as if i were schemeing something, i don't even know what scheme means.
Anyway, in order to go and shoot this play, i had to wake up at 9:30 am, yes that's right, 9:30 am and didn't get home until 11 o'clock. So the entire day, i was groggy and by 8 o'clock, i was full blown sleep deprived.

But there was no upside to the entire day, as there usually is in these predicaments. There was no Taco Bell, there were no interesting stories that occured, there was only me and my lack of sleep.

O well, it's amazing what a little sleep deprivation can do to adjust your attitude

Cant we all just get along?

What if the world was run like a game of Risk?

I had the misfortune today to run play a game of risk with a few friends. I suffered a terrible defeat at the hands of Adolph Hitler, just like what didn't happen in WWII, but this is beside the point. Jessica, William and Pat were playing a game of Risk, but having never played with Jessica, we were all bamboozled into believing that this was her first ever game of Risk. Half way through the game, Jessica and myself formed a make-shift alliance, agreeing for me to take over Europe and Asia while she took over N. America and S. America. Anyway, that was a mistake, once she had the Americas, she didn't need me anymore so in one swift graceful swoop took over most of my positions in Europe, Africa and Asia. While Pat and William were obliterated, Will faster than Pat, I was left to suffer a slow and painful conquest of all my territories. During the last few minutes of the game, Jessica, making her trademark bunny face, announces in a thunderous roar

"HA! YOU GUYS THOUGHT THIS WAS THE FIRST GAME OF RISK I EVER PLAYED, BUT I PLAY RISK ALL THE TIME. HAHAHAHA!"

But it didn't really matter all that much that I lost to Jessica in the end because our journey for world conquest ended up at Taco Bell, which is all I really wanted before we started to take over the world, which was really a map glued onto some card board.

But quite frankly, I doubt that Jessica will ever be trusted in another game of Risk ever again

I'm dreamin' of a White Summer

Old men and bicylces do not mix.
I had the unfortunate expierience today of taking my bike on a recently completed bike trail by my house. The path was very shady and provided an excellent refuge from the 97 deg. weather. On my way down the trail, I was accosted by a man who could have passed for Santa Claus's twin, but the fact of the matter is that this man was quite obese, and riding a bicycle. Trying my very best to not laugh at the ridiculous man on a bicycle, I managed a salutation.

me: Hello
Santa: (All a-huffin' and a-puffin')UUUUGGGHHHHH
me: (stifling laughter) O yea?
Santa: RAAAACE, UUUUUGGGGHHH

Me, thinking that an old santa man on a bike couldn't outbike my youth or my Trek racing bike, agreed to the ridiculous race. me, "YOU'RE ON!!".

That Santa man took off with the speed, grace and majesty unlike any creature of this earth. As I approach the end of the trail, the santa is standing with one foot on the ground and the other on his pedal with a very self-indulgent smirk on his face as if to say, "You silly SOB, how dare you challenge THE CLAUSE. HAHAHAHAHA YOU SUCK!!!".

Needless to say, I was shocked, and I doubt that I will be recieving many gifts this Christmas.